Thank goodness it's almost over!

I am talking about 2009!

It was not the best year for me, I can think of few highlights and lots of low points, which is never good!

At the start of the year I was diagnosed with Lupus, and now take an amazing array of medicines to maintain a 'normal' and active lifestyle. I have also been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, and moderate to severe disc degeneration - which makes it painful and difficult to stand or walk for very long. The primary medication I take to control the Lupus can affect the eyes, so prior to starting treatment I needed a full 'physical' on my eyes. It was at that first appointment when I discovered I was a 'glaucoma suspect'! I thought perhaps someone should just take me out and shoot me! I now have the pressure in my eyes checked every six months, and so far, so good!

During the summer, my knees were particularly sore and painful and I was struggling to get up and down the stairs. As a result I required surgery on my right knee, which meant spending 6 weeks in a wheelchair. Oh the fun the twins had with that!!

A high point was discovering that I no longer required asthma medications. Living here in Colorado has been very good for my health (as far as my asthma is concered) and the disease I have had since birth is now well controlled...............on nothing but fresh air! I never thought that would happen.

The biggest high point of the year was heading back to the UK for the first time in 8 years! I got to see my family again, had a mini family reunion which was wonderful, and introduced the twins to my family. The low point of that vacation? It was definitely leaving. I cried. I didn't want to come back to America, I wanted to stay close to my family and all the things I love so much. The transition back to life here in Monument was incredibly hard and difficult for me. Only now about 7 months later, am I starting to feel 'at home' again.

Another low point was noticing my hair falling out and becoming very thin. It's a result of both the Lupus and the medication I take to control it. I was incredibly upset when I realized what was happening. I found it hard to style my hair because it was looking stringy and so fine. My hair stylist suggested we no longer highlight my hair, so blonde became brown again and I began using a special array of hair products to help minimize the thinning effect. It took a while to get used to brown hair after being blonde for so many years, but I like it now, and fortunately, there's not too much gray in there!

Of course through the year there are many small high points. Watching the twins grow and make the change from toddlers to boys. They are loud, noisy and annoying! They are loving, cuddly and funny! And often all of those things in the same hour! I am thankful for my friends, who have helped me adjust to this 'new normal' that Lupus has forced onto me, but I am still looking to the New Year in the hope of more high points than low points!

It's Almost Here!

It's 4 days until Christmas, my living room has turned into a winter wonderland and my children have become super-hyped up little boys!

But I am so excited by it all. Living on my own for 20 years Christmas was often a tough time of year. I did have many wonderful Christmases at my sister's house, but watching her children open presents, then showing them all to their neighbors and friends often left me feeling I was on the outside looking in. Being single isn't all it's cracked up to be. Yes I made all the decisions, I decided what I was going to eat, where I was going over the weekend. Summer holidays were spent in my garden, pottering around and reading great books. My house was quiet, there were fields behind my house, also quiet. You could hear a pin drop. I was often lonely. When I got married I had to make SO many adjustments, after all I hadn't just married, I had also left my country of birth. I knew no-one here, there was nothing familiar to comfort me and make me feel secure in the decisions I was making.

And then I had the twins! Was I ready for that - at 51? Yes and no! I thought I was prepared and in many ways I was, but I had completely underestimated how different my life was about to become. I was laid off from work just as I was about to return from maternity leave, so we decided I would stay home and raise the twins. Now they are almost 5, where did those years go to? I have no idea, time passes by so quickly, and this Christmas is really a great one, because the boys are almost 5, they understand what's going to happen. They believe in fairies, the elf that comes to our house to ensure they are good in the run up to Christmas, and they certainly believe in Santa. I am excited to watch them, their eyes lighting up as they count down the days to Christmas Day. I can't wait to see them open their presents, it's going to be an exciting and fun day.

It's a lot of work, moving the elf to a new position every night, wrapping presents when the boys are asleep in bed, trying to keep them from going into the basement where all their presents are wrapped and waiting for the big day. We have floors to clean and shelves to dust. The Christmas train set and ice rink (thank you Eddie and Audrey) have to be put out. We need some lights over the archway into the dining room and the boys want to make gingerbread men cookies!

The best thing I ever accomplished in my life are my children! And the lonely years staying home to take care of them was hard and sometimes boring, but always I have been grateful to have been able to raise the boys from birth. To see them crawl and take their first step. To hear them start to speak and watch their faces as they discovered something new!

I don't think I have looked forward to a Christmas more than this one. I am no longer on the outside looking in, I am right in the middle of everything. I know what my Christmas presents are, I don't care if there are no surprises, I am getting what I want. The best part is going to be watching the boys rip into the paper and discover all the wonderful toys Santa has left for them. I love this season, it's even going to snow for Christmas Day, could anything be more perfect?

Guys

Whenever I ask Jamie what he did at preschool his answer is always the same. It's a solemn "I cannot know." It makes me smile, but leaves me in the dark as to his activities each morning. Today though, I am gaining some insight into what my boys do in school.

My twins have 'guys', they've had them since they began to talk. The guys have strange names like Teetsee and Dukrak, and they are all over the place. I have never seen them, but they are the ones responsible for the swings in the back garden that have been going to and fro all afternoon. I thought it was the wind, but my boys told me it was their guys.

Their guys were on the plane with us when we flew to the UK earlier this year, and while it seems that Teetsee mostly lives in the top of a tree, he also lives under London Bridge! Right now the guys are in my house. They have been skateboarding and are now fighting Master Roshi from the Dragon BallZ cartoon. But the guys have also been to school this afternoon, one of them became the helper for snack time, a high honor! He had to wash his hands first and got his sleeves wet. Another guy was selected to ring the bell! They have danced and sung songs for the Christmas concert next week, because of course the guys have a starring role, and know all the words for the songs they will sing.

The guys are never blamed for anything bad in the house, or any toy that gets broken or any fight that is started. The guys are always the ones who do good things, they help the twins go to sleep and regularly drive to school with us, then wait in the car in the dark garage until it's time to go collect the boys.

I like these guys, they are easy to get on with, have a strange language of their own - which of course my twins can understand - while I cannot! I wonder how long they are going to be a part of our lives?