Reality has set in!

I am back from my trip to the UK. The cases have been emptied and put away, the laundry all done and there was such a lot of it, and this week I have spent time putting things away and generally tidying up the house. But it's hard to concentrate on much, I miss my family, I miss my friends and I miss the UK. Seeing my sister and father again, meeting the partners of my niece and nephews and their children brought it home to me that there's a whole family on the other side of the world growing up without me. I think that people who have not moved to live outside of their country of birth cannot understand how hard it is to live your life in another country.

While there are many similarities between the US and the UK they are also very different. The saying goes that we are two countries separated by a common language and nothing could be truer. I miss so many other things, apart from my family and friends. Never being more than a few hours drive to the coast. The wonderful green and lush scenery, the blossoms in the hedgerows and the small villages where you can wander around and buy bread and cake from one store, then head to the grocers for your fruit and vegetables.

And let's not forget the great British pub! Some of the best food (and beer) in the world is to be had in a British pub. There's always one close to where you live. There's no need to get into the car for everything, you can stroll down the village street or the country lane and enjoy an evening out. I miss Cornish pasties, lager and a fresh vanilla slice (it's a cake). I miss Jammie Dodgers, Garibaldi and Rich Tea biscuits (cookies for my American friends). I miss ginger cake, blackcurrant juice and Quavers! But most of all I miss the sense of humor, BBC documentaries and a news program that gives you much more information about what's happening in the world. It's hard to live your life away from all the things that matter the most to you.

The boys were wonderful on the plane, and I should not have worried about them at all. They were fine with everything. Our flight out was overnight so they slept most of the way, returning home we had a daytime flight and while Jamie slept a little Oliver stayed awake, but we were complimented by other passengers on how well the boys had behaved and how lovely they were! I know, my head is at least one size bigger!

The twins didn't always do so well during the actual vacation however. I think it was hard on them sleeping in strange beds and having their routine disrupted. Oliver in particular managed to throw a tantrum at least two or three times a day and getting them to go to sleep became a massive problem. Since we got back home I have restored some semblance of order, their bedtime is back to normal and (touch wood) we haven't had any major problems with them since we returned.

We had a mini reunion and I was able to introduce the boys to cousins of mine I hadn't seen for over 20 years. We visited Yorkshire and London, Wales and Wiltshire. I saw Stonehenge - again, in the rain - again! We went on the London Eye - the second time for Chuck and I but the first for the boys, and we were lucky in that the sun shone and the views over London were truly spectacular. The boys fell in love with Quavers (cheesy, puffy crisps) and soft whipped ice cream with a flake in. They played on the beach, in the 2p arcade - where they won lots of toys - and chased the seagulls down the pier in Whitby.

It was a wonderful holiday, I hated leaving, cried when the plane took off from Heathrow and am now wondering how to get the money together for another trip back next year!

We're naughty!

Jamie sat on the couch this morning, pointed at me and told me very seriously, that me and Daddy are naughty while he and Oliver are not! He said we were bad for taking the boxes back to the store! Oliver talked to me in a sad little voice, saying he wanted to watch George and Fifi and now he couldn't and that was bad!

The reason Chuck and I are in the doghouse? We got rid of cable yesterday! We took the 'boxes' back to the store. We have wanted to do this for a while, first of all cable can cost quite a lot and you often can't find anything to watch anyway, so we are hoping to save some money plus free ourselves from slumping in front of the TV every evening! So now we have just a few channels to watch and the boys are sad to lose Sprout, and the cartoon channel, they were just getting into watching Ben 10.

It's going to be hard for me too, a lot of my favorite programs have 'gone' although there are many of them available on http://www.hulu.com/ which is great. We joined Netflix last night too, so we'll have some good movies to watch on a Saturday night after the boys have gone to bed. Our next cost cutting deal will center on the phones, we may get rid of the land line completely, and it's fine by me, as long as I can keep the internet I am happy! I can live without TV and the phone, but not my connection to the entire world!!

So today the boys came home from school, they watched Curious George and Word World on PBS and now the cartoons are done. I have switched off the TV and they will have to go back to their games. The twins are great at creating long, action packed scenarios so I know their current disappointment about the TV won't last for long, although I am probably going to miss having a handy babysitter when it's vital for me to get something else done! It's a new era in the Wadge household, I am going back to reading in the evenings, maybe I will start knitting scarves now so I have a good supply for sale by the time the winter comes, and I can always mosaic the night away. We will survive and probably surprise ourselves in how little we miss watching that box in the corner!

Being a mum!

I don't normally watch TV during the day, but earlier this week happened to switch on Oprah and caught a show all about mums and the things they do not admit to or tell their friends. It was an eye opening episode!

I got married late in life, at age 45 and had children even later, at 51. I thought I was prepared for being a parent, that I had the maturity and patience to deal with children. I worked in a job I absolutely loved and planned to return to work after the boys were born, but I was totally unprepared for how much my life was about to change! First of all we had twins! I knew it was a possibility, we had IVF treatment after all, so I wasn't too surprised. Chuck and I brought the boys home and coped on our own, got the twins into a routine and settled down into our new life with children. Then I got laid off, three days before I was due back to work. It was a huge disappointment!

So Chuck went back to work and I settled into my new life as a stay at home mum. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, and this is where that Oprah show comes in. Few mums I know will admit that being a parent is tough. None will tell you they sit their children in front of the TV to get a few hours of peace and quiet. That they don't bath their children every night, or even once a week! That teeth don't always get brushed for two minutes, or indeed every day! It was an incredibly refreshing and honest show. Being a mum is not always the most rewarding job in the world. It's hard, lonely, frustrating and boring! I love my boys, I couldn't imagine my life without them, but this is not all it's cracked up to be. That's why I so loved Oprah's show. It was honest and genuine and about time that us mums told it the way it was!

And I am going to 'fess up..........

I have done - and still do - use the TV to babysit my children!

I do not remember to clean their teeth every day!

They do not have 5 servings of veggies and/or fruit daily.

Candy is great for bribes.

They don't always get clean clothes or socks for school.

I sometimes tell them it's later than it actually is, so I can put them to bed earlier!

I don't give them a bath every day.

Wipes are great for cleaning faces, feet and sticking down unruly hair!

I do not get to shower every day!

I am not alone, there are millions of mums out there who are doing the same as I am. We struggle through the day dealing with tantrums and fights and whining. We don't get too much adult conversation and rarely get out of our t-shirts and sweat pants. We clean house, cook meals and do grocery shopping. There's always laundry lying in wait for us and messes to clean up. We make appointments for when the children are in school or on play dates, we spend our days rushing from pillar to post and back again.

At the end of the day, we all love our children dearly, we have all given up so much to have them and raise them! I wouldn't be without my boys, but it's so nice to know that I am not alone in my 'failings'. That I am not a bad mum, I am just someone doing the very best that I can! We should all be proud of ourselves!

How much is this going to cost?

We have bought our airline tickets for our trip to the UK and while we thought we got a great deal on them, the price was reduced by $150 per ticket about 3 weeks after we had booked. We couldn't do anything about it, so I have to let it go, although it's pretty annoying!

We are flying into Heathrow, and while that's nowhere near my sister's house - which is where we will base ourselves - we decided a non-stop flight would be easier with the twins. So we get on the plane in Denver, and get off in London. Seems like it will be easy! It's an overnight flight, so I am really hoping the boys will sleep for most of the way, I can only keep my fingers crossed.

Car hire is going to take a BIG bite out of our budget, the exchange rate is not favorable to the dollar right now, it's about $2 to the pound, so car hire for 3 weeks will cost almost $1000! It's pretty expensive, and don't get me started on the price of gas! I think that's around $6 per gallon!

We have to budget for hotel accommodation while we are traveling around. I am lucky in that I have lots of friends and family who have volunteered to put us up for the night which is amazing, especially considering we will have 4 year old twin boys with us, who have never experienced jet lag! It could be interesting and I hope we don't wear out our welcome too soon.

We are going to tour Cornwall, which is in the south west of the UK and is a really beautiful part of the country. Having lived near to the sea before I moved permanently to America, I miss walking on the beach, so I plan to visit every little cove and fishing village I can find. We will also make a trip to Scarborough and London, and while the boys may not be too interested in the museums, I think they will enjoy a boat trip down the river Thames and a ride on the London Eye.

How much is this going to cost? A small fortune!

But in my mind it's well worth it. I miss the UK, my family and friends so much. I want everyone to meet my boys and I can't wait to eat 'proper' fish and chips from the 'chippy'. The boys will have a great time on my sister's farm, they will get to meet their counsins and their children and will ride the horses and tractors and probably chase the sheep all over the place! The cost in monetary terms is high, but in emotional terms, priceless!

I'm going home!

Of course, seeing as I am a US Citizen, technically this is my home, but the UK is where I was born and has all the things I love, not least my family and friends. Chuck and I booked our flights on Monday and now it seems real! I am very excited to see everyone and introduce them all to my twins, I can hardly wait. But before we take off I have a lot of work to do. We haven't flown since early in 2001 and of course everything changed after 9/11 and now there are so many rules and regulations to take in. I have to go out and buy plastic bottles to put liquids in, can't pack my saw or axe, damn! and need to carefully measure the size of our suitcases to ensure they are not too big! As we have to remove our shoes at the security check point I need to make a note to myself to buy Chuck new socks, his are full of holes!

The boys are excited too, they have never flown and I don't think they completely understand about getting in a plane and flying to another country. It's a strange concept for them but I am telling them about watching a movie on the plane, having dinner and sleeping too, so they are looking forward to it. We have already started debating which cuddly toys they will take along in their back packs, although I am sure the choice will change many times over the next few weeks!

I have so many friends in addition to family who want to see us during our stay that my cousin Jackie and I are trying to arrange a mini family reunion, which will be wonderful. I will get to meet my cousin and her grown up boys, last time I saw them they were about 7 or 8 I think, and my aunt, my mum's sister, who I haven't seen for many, many years, so I am really looking forward to that. We are planning to do some travel in Cornwall, Chuck's ancestors the Wadge's are from that area, and I know my father-in-law would love it if I could find out more about the family for him. Plus I love Cornwall and it's been many years since I have been although I did work there for a while. Living in Colorado I miss seeing the sea, so this trip will give me that and more. We are also going to London to take the boys on the London Eye and a trip down the River Thames, which I think is about all of London two 4 year olds will be interested in!

I am also trying to lose some weight. I have gained around 20lbs from taking high doses of steroids to bring the symptoms of my Lupus under control and also from making some unwise food choices over the Christmas period! I am now calorie counting and exercising at least four times a week! BORING! Every Wednesday morning I go to my doctor's office to be weighed - as that's a great motivator for me - and last week, which was my first week, I lost 2 lbs. So this is do-able, I can get back into my jeans before my vacation! It just takes hard work! Which I am not too keen on!

But, perhaps all the preparations for the holiday, sorting out and washing clothes and reading the rules and regulations on the TSA website will take my mind off eating! Wouldn't that be nice?

Another year has come and gone!

I have a post it note on my computer that says "The days are long, but the years are short", and each day when I read it I realize how true it is. Already it is 2009 and my twins will be 4 in two weeks. Four! Where did those years go? It seems just minutes since they were babies and we brought them home from the hospital at a little over 4lbs each. The day was snowy and cold and we were so nervous driving all the way from Denver with such a precious cargo in the car. Oliver had some problems with breathing at our high altitude and needed oxygen at home for the first month, and when I look back at the photos of him with the nasal cannula he looks so small and frail. And now he can sit on his twin and keep him pinned to the floor!


Sometimes the days with twins, on your own at home, especially when the weather is bad and too cold to get out, are the longest of any I have ever known. The boys pick up on my mood, they take advantage of me, they fight and squabble and scream and hit each other, and just when I am in despair, they run over and hug me before running off to play nicely together. I was going through my files last week - in a futile effort to get more organized - and came across the cards with their footprints on, and they are SO tiny, it seems unbelievable to me that they could ever have been so tiny.

And now they are growing out of all their clothes, they seem to get bigger every day and ask me to measure them weekly so we can check their progress! They chatter to me constantly, to each other and to themselves while they play, they make up elaborate games, with convoluted plots and can keep that going for hours. They love to pretend to be other people, their friends from school, their teachers or our neighbors! They climb up the back of the sofa using their toy snakes as the ropes and sail around the floor on the sofa cushions. I am amazed at their imaginations and the stories they can create, I love Jamie's cheeky smile when he's trying to convince me that he really, really needs another cookie and I love that Oliver can correct me when I am wrong and delight in saying "You were wrong Mummy and I was right" It gives him such joy!

While life with the twins is incredibly tiring, very hard (at times), lonely sometimes and often demanding, I am so proud of my sons and it's wonderful to watch them grow and develop and become their own person!

It's almost Christmas!

It has kind of crept up on me, where did autumn go to? Here we are, 8 days before the BIG day and my house looks like a Christmas shop!

For our first Christmas together I made my husband go out and buy a lovely big tree which I enjoyed decorating while he was at work. I even added a garland down the stairs with lights and ribbon and our home looked so lovely. But as Chuck is a mailman, he is very busy on the run up to the holiday and only has Christmas Day off, so I found myself looking at the decorations on my own quite a lot.

Subsequent years we did the same thing, and then one year I decided I no longer wanted the big tree, we sold it at our summer yard sale and the following Christmas bought a 3' white fibre optic tree. It was (and still is) very pretty, took no time to decorate or take down and I was very happy with that. It was perfect in my bedroom the Christmas I was on bed rest when I was expecting the boys and it was still great their first year. But for the twins second Christmas I wanted something bigger and better, I wanted to begin to create an exciting and special time for them each Christmas, so Chuck and I went out shopping and bought a 6' pre lit tree. It is so nice, and majestic and I love it, although the small white tree still goes up, in the opposite corner of the room!

One year I decided to buy some plaster houses from Michael's and sat and painted them so I could create a tiny village for my mantelpiece. It looked so nice and I was more than pleased with it. Then my in-laws came to visit and bought me an entire set of houses, complete with fir trees and figures, so my village grew. Two summers ago at my neighbor's yard sale, I bought some more houses to add to the village which is rapidly becoming a town!

I purchased lovely wire wrapped lights and hung them across the archway to our living room and entwined lights through the metal of the bakers rack! This year, my husband's parents sent me more Christmas things. We got icicle lights for outside, and a reindeer and sleigh. For inside the house we have a train set that goes round and round a village green, filled with people and a carousel. We have an ice skating pond, with skaters and a street lamp to light the entire scene. We have Santa and Mrs. Claus and various other figures that sing and dance their way into Christmas.

I have been told there is more to come, my living room is bedecked, lighted and so Christmassy you would think you were in the North Pole at Santa's workshop. I have penguin and snowmen candle holders, golden fir cones and wreaths a plenty. And now the twins are in preschool I have paper plate reindeer heads, ginger bread men with fluffy pompom noses and Christmas tree decorations every where I look. My tree is lop sided, with many decorations placed together on the lower branches. When the boys aren't looking I move the decorations around and spread them out higher up the tree, and when I am not looking the twins reach what they can and move them back down to the lower branches!

And this year, for the first time ever, Chuck actually has two weeks off over the Christmas and New Year holidays. I am so excited to have a real family Christmas this year, one where he doesn't have to rush back to work before the turkey is cold. I am planning to make cookies with the boys, bake a cake and make a traditional English trifle and mince pies. We'll have a huge turkey with all the trimmings and I already have plans for using the leftovers. The present shopping is all done, the cards are written and mailed so when the boys finish school this week, and Chuck finishes work we will all be able to relax and enjoy the holiday!