I haven't felt like blogging!

There's so much going on in my life right now and it's all about me!

My health has been a problem lately. In April I mentioned to my rheumatologist that I was having problems with dizzines. It was really uncomfortable to turn my head to the left or right or to look upwards at something. I got so dizzy and nauseous that I had to close my eyes and wait for the moment to pass. I thought it was probably a side effect of all the medicines I take, but he didn't think so and referred me back to my ENT doctor. One of the tests he did on me was to have me lie flat on the table with my head turned sideways, then he pulled me up into a sitting position as fast as he could. All I can say is - it was horrible. I lost all idea of where I was in space, the dizziness was so severe I even cried out because it was so uncomfortable. He then suggested I see a physical therapist specialising in balance problems to see if that would help.

At my first physical therapy appointment Diane also did the test Dr. Hegarty had done, in addition she checked how I walked and turned and asked me to balance on one leg. At that point I was very shocked to realise I couldn't balance at all. She told me "You are far too young to be this bad Wendy". It was a shock for me to hear that. But over the weeks I have seen her, we have worked out various exercises to help me, but despite all our efforts I was still experinecing dizziness on a regular basis. She tried massage on my neck which was incredibly stiff and I discovered I couldn't turn my head to the left as far as I could turn to my right.

In the end Diane referred me back to Dr Hegarty as she wanted me to have an MRI of my cervical spine and brain, before she did any more work on me. So I trotted off one evening to have that test done, lay inside the MRI for an hour, which I thought was just 15 minutes, and the following week went back to my ENT doc for the results. I thought there would be nothing on the MRI, but that wasn't the case! I was shocked to find there are a couple of lesions in my brain, which seem to indicate I have Multiple Sclerosis!

The minute I read that on the radiographer's report my stomach dropped right down into my shoes, and stayed there for a good day or two. It was not what I expected, it really wasn't. It totally threw me for a loop. I was recommened to set up an appointment with a neurologist, which will be in three weeks time on August 10.

What Came First?

The yarn or the pattern?

Along with many knitters, I tend to buy yarn because I have fallen in love with a particular colorway or texture. I love visiting my LYS to touch new yarns, to admire the colors and I cannot leave the shop without buying something! I have been asked not to drool so much although I have a feeling the staff are used to their customers doing that!

Whenever I buy a new yarn, I want to use it immediately. I want to make something and if it's a hank I waste no time in getting it wound into a ball and start to look through my own patterns and on Ravelry and numerous other knitting sites for ideas and suggestions.

One of my favorite online stores is The Loopy Ewe. The selection of yarn they carry is amazing, and I never realised that so many colors and so many shades of color existed. I quickly created a wish list of favorite yarns, and have ordered one or two whenever I have had the money available. One particular favorite is a yarn called Fiesta Ballet, it's a very soft blend of superfine Alpaca and Tencel. The colorway I selected is called Stargazer and it's so pretty. Soft hues of pale green, lemon, pink and lilac combine to create a truly beautiful yarn.

But I have no idea what to make with it. I have tried several different patterns. I have tried different combinations of stitches and none of them seem to be right for that yarn. It's SO frustrating! And so for now I have put that yarn away. It hurts, I hate putting yarn away! I want to make something with it but I have to continue to look around until I find the right pattern for it.

Perhaps in future I should buy yarn only when I have a pattern in mind, but while that's practical it is no help when I am in the yarn shop and drooling over some newly discovered yarn!

Great conversations with your children. Part 2

My last 15 minutes with Oliver have been like this (my responses are in red):

“May I have a yogurt tube?”
Yes.

“Which one?”
Whichever one you want.

“May I open the new box?”
Not until the old box is finished first.

“WAH! WAH!”
“May you open this for me?”
Yes, bring it here.

Get it away from my laptop!
Don’t drop it on my knitting!

“May I have another yogurt tube?”
No.

“Why?”
Because you can’t just eat them one after another.

“Was that the last one I will get today?”
I don’t know.

“When can I have another then?”
Not right now.

“But I want one now!”
You can’t have one now.

TWO MINUTES OF QUIET

“May I have one now?”
No.

30 SECONDS OF QUIET

“May I have one now?”
No.

WAH!WAH!WAH!WAH!

Thump Jamie as he walks past just to make himself feel better!

Jamie now crying!

Oliver upstairs crying!

Mummy about to cry or commit murder, not sure which will come first!

I can only hope that Oliver's tenacity serves him well in the future!

I'm in love!

It finally happened, I have fallen in love! I know almost to the minute when it happened too. I can't escape from it and being in love is, well, lovely!

It's knitting, yes, knitting. I am in love with knitting!

My mum could knit anything, and I mean anything. She could knit the most complex patterns and designs with no errors. We all wore her works of art as kids, beautiful Fair Isle patterns, complex Aran sweaters, and basic cardigans to match our school uniforms.

She often tried to teach me to knit, she would cast on 20 stitches for me, show me how to knit it and left me to it. Within moments it seemed that piece of knitting was full of holes and had 17 stitches, or it would be full of holes with 23 stitches! I couldn't even knit a decent scarf for my dolls! So I gave it up and contented myself with holding skeins of yarn while my mum wound them into balls of wool, repeatedly reminding me to "Keep your hands up!"

Years later I taught myself to crochet and was able to make baby clothes and blankets for my friend's children but that was it. I loved to draw and paint, so took art classes, I tried patchwork once, just the once, sewing is not my forte, although I did make some of my own clothes! I tried just about any craft you can think of, did quite well with mosaics for a while, but never got back into knitting, it just didn't interest me.

About a year ago however, I was in my local craft store and found myself in the yarn aisle, where I fell in love with some pale lilac, fluffy yarn. So I bought a couple of balls and some knitting needles and went home to make a scarf. It was very basic, just garter stitch and the scarf grew quickly, I loved the softness of the yarn and how beautiful it felt against my neck. I sent it to my friend who had to read all my emails about how wonderful the yarn was. She wore it to work and then emailed to ask if I would make more as several of her colleagues wanted to buy one!

And that's how my little home based business began!

This past winter I sold lots of scarves, each made to order! I taught myself to make knitted hats and children's scarves, but all with 'fluffy' yarn to hide the imperfections I thought my knitting had! I knitted frantically and loved every minute of it!

After Christmas I decided I wanted to see what my knitting was really like, so bought some 'non fluffy' yarn and knitted up some swatches. I discovered I had really good, even tension and could follow a simple pattern pretty easily. I bought some yarn online but then I went out and discovered my LYS (local yarn store). It was a revelation to me. The colors, textures and types of yarn now available is incredible! It's just staggering! I had absolutely no idea. Yarn is made from bamboo, silk, corn and even milk! I had so much fun going around the store touching the yarns, looking for the softest and prettiest!

At first I was actually a little scared to knit with these new yarns, just in case I couldn't repeat the neat and tidy work of my swatches, but I selected a stitch pattern that seemed pretty easy and got started! And that was it! I fell in love!

I am having so much fun, but I am spending all my money at the yarn store - I am sure they must love me! I am making neck cozies with ruffled edges, long, skinny scarves and fingerless gloves! I want to learn to knit in the round, I want to add beads and color to my work and it's so exciting!

How can knitting be exciting?

I wish my mum was still alive so I could share this with her and she could show me all the things I want to know. I think of her so often now, because I knit every day. I take my knitting with me to while away the time while the boys are in their Taekwondo class and I knit every evening while watching television. I find it soothing and restful, something I have really needed in my life.

I have quickly become a yarn snob! I don't want to knit with nylon yarns. I want wool, and silk and baby Alpaca (so soft). I love cashmere, but wish it wasn't quite so expensive! I love Malabrigo Worsted, 100% merino wool. It's my current favorite. I can't afford a yarn winder, and I have no-one willing to sit with a skein of yarn over their hands while I wind my wool into balls, so I upend two small stools and use those instead! I am going on a day trip to Nebraska (oh it will be a long day) to visit the Brown Sheep Mill, and I am so looking forward to that.

I intend to knit all year long, so next winter I am ready to sell my scarves! Only the most expensive yarns will be made to order. I want to set up a website and make business cards for my little enterprise. But first I have lots of knitting to do, I already have a great stash of yarn, and each visit to my LYS finds me wanting to go back soon and buy more!

So I am in love.

I never, ever thought I would give up mosaics for knitting. I would not have believed it possible. But it is, and I have never been quite so happy with a hobby! Here's to my mum - wish you could see me now!

Great conversations with your children!

So this is the conversation I just had:

Oliver: “Mommy! Mommy! I need you!” This coming from the downstairs toilet.

Me: “What do you need?”

Oliver: “I need juice!”

Me: “You can’t have juice in the toilet, you can have it when you come out.”

Oliver: “But my poop’s too big! And you told me I had to drink more liquid!”

Me: “Oh, well it won’t help you right now!”

Oliver: “Did you hear that?”

Me: “Hear what?”

Oliver: “That big plop when the poop sploshed in the water!”

Me: “Yes, I heard it.”

Oliver: “I don’t need my juice now the poop is out!”


Isn’t life as a parent rewarding, fulfilling and full of poop!

Thank goodness it's almost over!

I am talking about 2009!

It was not the best year for me, I can think of few highlights and lots of low points, which is never good!

At the start of the year I was diagnosed with Lupus, and now take an amazing array of medicines to maintain a 'normal' and active lifestyle. I have also been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, and moderate to severe disc degeneration - which makes it painful and difficult to stand or walk for very long. The primary medication I take to control the Lupus can affect the eyes, so prior to starting treatment I needed a full 'physical' on my eyes. It was at that first appointment when I discovered I was a 'glaucoma suspect'! I thought perhaps someone should just take me out and shoot me! I now have the pressure in my eyes checked every six months, and so far, so good!

During the summer, my knees were particularly sore and painful and I was struggling to get up and down the stairs. As a result I required surgery on my right knee, which meant spending 6 weeks in a wheelchair. Oh the fun the twins had with that!!

A high point was discovering that I no longer required asthma medications. Living here in Colorado has been very good for my health (as far as my asthma is concered) and the disease I have had since birth is now well controlled...............on nothing but fresh air! I never thought that would happen.

The biggest high point of the year was heading back to the UK for the first time in 8 years! I got to see my family again, had a mini family reunion which was wonderful, and introduced the twins to my family. The low point of that vacation? It was definitely leaving. I cried. I didn't want to come back to America, I wanted to stay close to my family and all the things I love so much. The transition back to life here in Monument was incredibly hard and difficult for me. Only now about 7 months later, am I starting to feel 'at home' again.

Another low point was noticing my hair falling out and becoming very thin. It's a result of both the Lupus and the medication I take to control it. I was incredibly upset when I realized what was happening. I found it hard to style my hair because it was looking stringy and so fine. My hair stylist suggested we no longer highlight my hair, so blonde became brown again and I began using a special array of hair products to help minimize the thinning effect. It took a while to get used to brown hair after being blonde for so many years, but I like it now, and fortunately, there's not too much gray in there!

Of course through the year there are many small high points. Watching the twins grow and make the change from toddlers to boys. They are loud, noisy and annoying! They are loving, cuddly and funny! And often all of those things in the same hour! I am thankful for my friends, who have helped me adjust to this 'new normal' that Lupus has forced onto me, but I am still looking to the New Year in the hope of more high points than low points!

It's Almost Here!

It's 4 days until Christmas, my living room has turned into a winter wonderland and my children have become super-hyped up little boys!

But I am so excited by it all. Living on my own for 20 years Christmas was often a tough time of year. I did have many wonderful Christmases at my sister's house, but watching her children open presents, then showing them all to their neighbors and friends often left me feeling I was on the outside looking in. Being single isn't all it's cracked up to be. Yes I made all the decisions, I decided what I was going to eat, where I was going over the weekend. Summer holidays were spent in my garden, pottering around and reading great books. My house was quiet, there were fields behind my house, also quiet. You could hear a pin drop. I was often lonely. When I got married I had to make SO many adjustments, after all I hadn't just married, I had also left my country of birth. I knew no-one here, there was nothing familiar to comfort me and make me feel secure in the decisions I was making.

And then I had the twins! Was I ready for that - at 51? Yes and no! I thought I was prepared and in many ways I was, but I had completely underestimated how different my life was about to become. I was laid off from work just as I was about to return from maternity leave, so we decided I would stay home and raise the twins. Now they are almost 5, where did those years go to? I have no idea, time passes by so quickly, and this Christmas is really a great one, because the boys are almost 5, they understand what's going to happen. They believe in fairies, the elf that comes to our house to ensure they are good in the run up to Christmas, and they certainly believe in Santa. I am excited to watch them, their eyes lighting up as they count down the days to Christmas Day. I can't wait to see them open their presents, it's going to be an exciting and fun day.

It's a lot of work, moving the elf to a new position every night, wrapping presents when the boys are asleep in bed, trying to keep them from going into the basement where all their presents are wrapped and waiting for the big day. We have floors to clean and shelves to dust. The Christmas train set and ice rink (thank you Eddie and Audrey) have to be put out. We need some lights over the archway into the dining room and the boys want to make gingerbread men cookies!

The best thing I ever accomplished in my life are my children! And the lonely years staying home to take care of them was hard and sometimes boring, but always I have been grateful to have been able to raise the boys from birth. To see them crawl and take their first step. To hear them start to speak and watch their faces as they discovered something new!

I don't think I have looked forward to a Christmas more than this one. I am no longer on the outside looking in, I am right in the middle of everything. I know what my Christmas presents are, I don't care if there are no surprises, I am getting what I want. The best part is going to be watching the boys rip into the paper and discover all the wonderful toys Santa has left for them. I love this season, it's even going to snow for Christmas Day, could anything be more perfect?